Not from drinking. I'm hung over from my trip. Maybe it's jet lag. But I think I'm hung over from being alone and having freedom. I returned from South Africa last night and the harsh reality that climbed all over me was extremely jarring. I wasn't in the house twenty minutes and Malone thought she had gas, then looked at me and said "I think I pooped a bit in my pants". At the same time Freya took off her diaper and peed on the couch while Stella laid crying on the floor because I trying to get her to take a Hello Kitty costume off and put her pajamas on. 

 I stopped right there. I looked to the heavens and said to myself: "what the f*ck is wrong with me"? I couldn't believe the chaos. The major issue is I felt like somehow my energy, my presence alone was responsible for the girls behaviour. It would have been deeply upsetting to a person who has half a brain; luckily I'm too stupid to get terribly upset or hard on myself. I simply opened up a bottle of champagne (that I promised I wouldn't open until Stella's birthday, I also said no drinking for at least a couple of days) and toasted my return to my spazzed-out life.

 I've had the t.v on all morning; I have got to ease myself back into this mothering thing. Freya woke up at 7:30. She was the last one up. That is unprecedented. If I think about, I bet not one of my siblings will ask me to watch their kids when they go away; I think they're all too scared I will screw them up. I may be the smartest person after all. 

 Cheers, cheers.
 L

 P.S. Go to Cape Town.